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May 26, 2011

What a ‘Changed Me’ Can Do for My Family and Society – by Erin Catching

What a “changed me” can do for my family and society.

First and foremost, all praises are due to the most gracious and most merciful Creator, without whom nothing is possible. I would also like to give thanks to Mr. Demetrius “Hook” Mitchell – columnist for RED! the breakthrough ‘zine – for being instrumental in my quest for knowledge, discipline, growth, and change. It has been a blessing to have Hook as a mentor and an honor to be referred to as his student and protege. (See the Bible book of I Corinthians 13:11.)

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Every morning when I awake, I am living, learning, and growing. Unfortunately, it has taken thirty-five years, numerous trips to jails, three terms in prison, and countless mistakes to reach the stage of maturity that I am currently in. I have come to the point where I live without regrets. I am blessed to be alive, and I am gratefuly to have never received what I truly deserve.

I am tempted to go into depth as to what a “changed me” can do for my family and society, but it is time to “show and prove.” It is time to stop being reactive to the position I’ve placed myself in as a felon and an “ex-con” and start being pro-active and utilizing the gifts and blessing God has given me. So, nowdays, I don’t do much talking.

I look forward to re-adapting to society and becoming a responsible father and role model to my children. I have faith that everything else will fall neatly into place and through my actions, not my words, my family, in-laws, and loved ones will once again invest their time and resources in me. I only ask that they prepare themselves for my return and welcome me with open arms.

The changes in me will be evident.

Peace and love.

__________________________

Erin Catching is currently incarcerated in Lewiston, California.  His essay appears as part of a group of essays from inmates gathered and edited RED! writer, Demetrius “Hook” Mitchell, which RED! is publishing.

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May 25, 2011

Viewpoint by Calvin E. Nunley III

Prayer, faith, works – Freedom, Plan, Action.

These words that I have written are in two separate sequences. While either set of words may be viewed as having little to any relationship, they may also be bound to one another to work in conjunction for a great cause and to great effect.

Society has been long overdue for a make-over. As such, in a contribution to a cause, I am more than ready and willing to give great efforts. Not only will my effort be given to changing my previous courses of action, but I have begun to take some inventory or necessary changes to my community – changes in the direction of values.

By first monitoring and evaluating my own children’s and relatives’ level of awareness with input and feedback, I could then lead more children and young adults in a more positive direction.

I am more than certain that prayer, faith, and works will be very essential to freedom, plans, and action.

Calvin E. Nunley III is incarcerated in Lewiston, California.

Mr. Nunley’s short essay is a part of RED!’s “Action Words” section, which consists of writing and art by incarcerated individuals internationally.

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May 25, 2011

How Can a Changed ‘Me’ Help My Family and Society? – by David Jennings, Jr.

I’ve been incarcerated 36 months and I have a month-and-a-half remaining. During the onset of this term, I realized that, with this being my first time in prison, a door had been opened up for a return into this system multiple times, or a permanent residence in this system.

I was 26-years old at that time and I knew from Day One that this wasn’t something I wanted to make a lifestyle out of: prison. I’m the father of three boys, ages 3, 4, and 5, the youngest of whom I haven’t even had the chance to hold in my arms – because of the error in my thinking – in order to tell him that he has a father who loves him. He was born while I was fighting my case.

I have two uncles who went through the system before me. I wondered if I was in the same cell or walking the same yard they had experienced. It hit me that one or all of my sons could wonder the same thing about me when they grow to be the age one reaches when one could be put behind bars; if they would be in the same cell in which I had been; or walking the same yard I walked; or might have any of the experiences I’ve had while going through the system. I thought about those things, and I didn’t want that for them. I knew I had to change my thinking.

When I lost my freedom, the mother of my children promised me that she would wait for me. That lasted about a year. We wrote back and forth, speaking about how much we loved each other, how much we missed each other, and what we were going to do for each other when we were reunited. Then came a period of unanswered silence. I would write her, begging her to write back – but, no answer, which lead me to curse her out in letters. And still no answer. I didn’t want to accept that she moved on. Well, I got a letter in which she told me that she, in fact, had moved on.

I felt victimized. How could she lie to me? How could she do me the way she was doing me? Then I realized that I had done it to myself. I used to be real selfish on the streets. And I was continuing my selfish thinking in prison. I acknowledged that negative thinking, and I have taken responsibility for my actions. I got myself locked up. I’ve taken myself away from my family. Through my selfish actions, I caused her to need someone to be there with her to take care of her needs, as well as the needs of my children. This is in no way, shape, or form meant to be a sob story. But, to be honest, this is an example of the error in my thinking.

My point is that my personal experiences have taught me so much. Accepting the responsibility of my actions has truly been an eye-opening experience. The consequences of one’s actions run deeper than what appears on the surface. When I saw how much I was responsible for, I realized that I was changing, because I made the choice to discontinue pointing the finger elsewhere. No longer thinking selfishly as a child does, I’ve grown into a man. Now, as a man, I pray to God for my family to be restored. I pray that I can be the leader my sons and their mother need. I pray to continue growing. I pray for success.

I’ve put my faith in God and He’s the one who has changed my thinking. All I did was listen to what he’s been saying to me through my experiences. I have faith that He’s going to restore my family. If it happens, then there is nothing He can’t do. All of the people around me will hear of what He’s done for me. For I will always proclaim His goodness toward someone who didn’t deserve it: me.  Amen.

David Jennings, Jr. is incarcerated in Lewiston, California.

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May 25, 2011

“How Can a Changed ‘Me’ Help My Family” – by Terrel Dupelay

I am encouraged to write about a changed ‘me’. I can help my family the best possible way I know by showing them that I have actually changed mentally, and for the better, I’ve changed my whole self, first and foremost. I have learned over the years in my life that I cannot help anyone else unless I help myself first. So, by my own changing the way that I think and the way I view a lot of situations I encounter in life into opportunities which will turn my negatives into positives, I can then be of help to them. I truly believe that the “G-Man” up high and my being incarcerated have helped me to do that.

Also, my taking advantage of every opportunity to advance myself and being a leader by example in showing positive actions can be more motivation for them to do the same. Overall, it all starts with me, I believe. As long as I continue to strive to be the best person I can, and continue to grow and expand myself each and every day that I’m blessed to see, then that would be a great help to my family and others around me.

Also, I would like to tell my brothers, Torrin, Damion, and Trovelle to continue to keep ya’ll heads up, because ya’ll ain’t forgot about. To my mother and the rest of my family: I love you all and miss you all a lot. To my ‘patnas’ ‘Gene, Zach, Juan – thank you for the support. Special thanks to Mr. Hook Mitchell for giving me this opportunity to express my thoughts in publication. If I’ve forgotten anyone, my apology, and much love to all ya’ll.

Terrel Dupelay is currently incarcerated in Lewiston, California.

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May 21, 2011

The Innocent – by Keon Jefferson, Sr.

My uncle, Marvin P. Walker, Jr., has been an inmate in San Quentin’s (California) ‘Death Row’ unit for more than 30 years. After nearly three-and-a-half decades, my family has received what some may call “justice.”

After being lead by what I believe to be none other than God, a high-ranking official within the U.S. [appeals] court system decided to review my uncle’s case.

Once the file was opened, it did not take long before serious discrepancies stood out to this official. In short, these discrepancies within my uncle’s case were so extreme that this official not only immediately decided to “pull” the death warrant that was issued to my Uncle Marvin more than 30 years ago, but also ordered the convicting county, Santa Clara County, to prepare to re-try his case with new evidence, because evidently the initial evidence was not sufficient for a proper determination to be made.

Now, after three decades of appeals, and after three decades of sitting on Death Row in solitary confinement, and after three decades of trusting that God would intervene before the state of California decided to execute him, “Justice” prevails. But, after all of this, could there ever truly be justice for my uncle?

I was given this news by my mother over the phone while calling her from the institution in which I’m currently residing. And, when I heard her relay this news, it took everything in my power to hold back the tears of joy. You see, I know the pain my mom and her siblings have gone through all these years: the pain of having to travel for hours to be searched, scanned, harrassed by C.D.C.R. (California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation), and then put in a “cage” just to hug their brother. The pain of having to make these trips to inform their brother personally that his momma is gone, then his daddy.

I watched both of my grandparents hope and wait on God to bring back to them their son – to no avail. So, to get this news gave me such excitement that I had to share it with somebody. Hook Mitchell, as someone I could always talk to about anything, was someone I went to. He listened and decided to ask me to share the story.

The most important thing I’ve learned from my uncle’s experience is to wait on God. His justice always prevails.

Although our justice system has taken more than 30 years of my uncle’s life, I truly believe that God has new beginnings for him.

Please, readers, google Marvin P. Walker – San Jose Mercury News – for more information on this matter.

If you know someone who has potentially been wrongfully convicted, do as this U.S. court official has done, and do your best in the interest of justice.

Thank you for reading my plea, and may God continue to strengthen us in our faith. I’m extremely grateful for this brother, Hook, and the way he has given me the opportunity to shed some light on this matter of my uncle, Marvin P. Walker.

___________________________________________

Keon Jefferson, Sr.  is incarcerated in a facility in Lewiston, California.

Action Words is RED!‘s department of writing and art by currently incarcerated individuals around the world.

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May 4, 2011

ACTION WORDS – “Necessity” – An Essay by Jimmy Brown

Necessity. What are the necessities of life? Today, I sit here as a lost soul in search of life and its necessities. Yet I’ve found the greatest necessity of all.

I found my lost soul, my life, and God, my higher power. But, wait, I’m still lost. I’m puzzled, I’m confused; I’ve loved my family my whole life, and I love my children unconditionally.

Yet, my presence is felt when I’m there and lost when I’m gone. What am I in search of? Is it love, devotion, dedication? Is it family, money, sex – what is it? Are these things the necessities of life? What about compassion, friendship, loyalty, and respect? Are these the necessities of life? I believe all of these are necessities in life. But, what matters? What is the reality of life? What have life and love become? Let me express this.

I’ve had an experience in life, a love out of this world. My ex and I had the greatest love one could have. It was a fairytale romance: love and respect, loyalty within. She felt me within her soul, as I felt her within mine. I craved what she craved. We enjoyed everything together as one. This is easy to express. We never had to force our love or devotion. We weren’t rich, yet we were rich in love and in family. That’s the Necessity of life. Love.

Why are so many people judgmental? So, I’m in prison now. I’m human, and I’ve made mistakes, but I can assure you that I am just as capable as the next man. See, most people are “looking in” from the outside. I look at things from the inside-out: with my heart, with my “everything”. Being on the outside of life only gives you one perspective on life, and so many get so stuck on that perspective that they’re blinded by the way of life, the true way of life. Not everything is one-sided and living in a box your whole life sure doesn’t help out at all.

Look around. How can anyone help change, or provide change, if there is hate being judged, or one just doesn’t care? This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about caring – caring about this world and the people in it. The children in it. Children losing families, families losing children, kids being beaten and those that are starving or experiencing mental or social abuse everyday. How can, or why do we allow such things to happen? Yes, I know: blah-blah…who am I?  Well, I will tell you who I am.

I’m Jimmy Brown and I’m in prison. Why am I in prison? Because I did what I thought I was good at accomplishing. I’ve been stealing my whole life, and I got great at it; well, not too great, because I’m in prison as a result of it. But, what choice did I have? I was thrown to the side as a child, beaten, and became a misfit in my life, but that is not an excuse. I had a choice, and I chose the wrong road and I’ve been in hell; I’ve done hundreds of drugs. I’ve done so many crazy things in life that you wouldn’t believe them if I told you. I lived for the rush. I used my family as an excuse; they needed more, more, more, when really all they truly needed was a father – and yet I pressed for more.

Money, money, money: I went through so much to get it. As an addict, I was out there keeping myself in the middle of all kinds of so-called “necessities” of life. It was wrong. One can only build the foundation of his or her own necessities. The more you desire, the more drama. Life is so full of great people, beautiful places, and special places that it’s hard to believe it’s often ending. We’re destroying our future for our children. I know that people are people and that we are all susceptible to change at any time.

So, tell someone today “hi,” “hello,” and “how are you?” It may change their day or their life, and, who knows, you may feel better about yourself, and that is one of the greatest necessities in life. So, stop being lost and realize that change can now happen for our future, for our children, for love, and for peace.

  ___________________________

Jimmy Brown is currently incarcerated at Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville, Ohio.  A brilliant visual artist, Mr. Brown is a loyal contributor to RED! the breakthrough ‘zine. For two years, the webzine has regularly been publishing his artwork and short personal essays.

____________________________

RED!‘s “Action Words” section comprises essays, poems, stories, and artwork by incarcerated individuals.

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April 13, 2011

Drawing #2 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RED! – by MELISSA VANOVER (a columnist for RED! and visual artist, Ms. Vanover is incarcerated at Ohio Reformatory for Women

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March 8, 2011

Raised Up — Action Words by Frances L. McDaniel


My name is Frances L. (Roberson) McDaniel. But, everyone calls me “Bootsy”. Only, in terms of history, a portion of my classmates calls me Frances. I actually prefer Bootsy.

I thought that I would go into the Marines. That was one of my childhood dreams. People would probably never have believed that. At any rate, I became pregnant at 16-years old and I chose to keep my daughter when, during the pregnancy, I felt her kick inside. I was determined to take care of her no matter what.

I began committing crimes at a young age; I’ve truly forgotten how old I was. I wasn’t using drugs. Money was something that drove me and having more things all the time. I bought my first car and I never had a driver’s license. Amazing. Before I write further, I want to say that I come from an amazing mother. I wasn’t raised in the projects. Actually, I grew up in Grosbeck; if you are from Cincinnati, Ohio, you probably know about the suburbs. Then, as I became a little older, I was raised in Madisonville, in a nice neighborhood at that time.

My mother took really good care of her girls. The only complaint I can honestly say is that we had to wear dresses summer, winter, spring, and fall. Church was mandatory. We never were hungry. So, basically, what I am saying is that I have no excuse for the life I lead. Checks were my main crime of choice. I’ve never been violent – except only toward myself. Eventually, I started using drugs because I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I used drugs to cover up.

I became addicted to all the bad habits. Now, I sit in a federal prison because I just committed crimes to live my life. Don’t get me wrong. I have worked before, but I never held a steady job for long periods. I slowed down temporarily, got married, and thought I was going to live normally. However, Satan had plans.

I started committing crimes a little at a time. Finally, my life started falling apart, so I separated my children and left town with my youngest. I left my husband; I thought that was better. The good thing was that when I left, I worked hard in three jobs at one time. But, I was alone: only myself and my baby girl. Eventually, things turned bad and I had to bring my baby home. Then I left Cincinnati again. I was doing this because I didn’t want to go to jail, being alone in a state where I didn’t have any family and friends. I didn’t turn to crime as a result of an abusive man and then drugs. I had never been hit by a man, so I thought he would not hit me again – he promised. But, it was a vicious cycle. (I’m doing a lot of jumping around, because life my life would probably make a best-seller.)

God made it to where my testimony is worth telling, and he’s not finished with me yet. I’ve lived in several different cities and states. When I lived in South Carolina (Edgefield), I lived on a couple of migrant camps. Well, I was stabbed four times in the back and the side of my face. I lived to tell about it. I don’t know why it happened. But, God was with me.

I’ve been put in dangerous situations that only God pulled me through. When I came home, I started back in the game and lived inside of jail and outside. That was my life: drugs, money, and jail. It came to a point in my life where I tried to take my own life in a crazy way. I’m here to talk about it. I stabbed myself in the stomach so many times I lost count, and I cut my wrists. But for some reason I just wouldn’t die.

Now, that was who I was ten years ago. In 2006 I started my madness over again and I decided that I didn’t want to live. I bought a gun and every day I sat with it on my bed loaded. My only reason I’m not dead is that I lived with my daughter, and my son decided he wanted to be up under me, too. My life was crazy and I was so tired.

Well, I’m in prison. All the things I was out there doing caught up with me. So, God placed me here to save my life. I’m sitting in prison today, in late 2010, and my life has changed drastically. I’m over the prison’s dance ministry called “New Generation”. I’m also active in the choir and praise team. I work at Unicor; it is a call center. My work as a volunteer in Hospice has truly opened my eyes to how cruel life can be.

I have taken different classes while here in prison. I’m starting my G.E.D. program over again. I’m very determined to accomplish that goal. I’m 44-years old and I’ve learned how to stomp and praise dance. I’ve lost a lot of weight and my health is improving all because of God’s grace.

So, this is a little about myself. I have a living testimony, and I truly hope that something in my life will help someone.

I appreciate the Bible verse, Romans 9:17 – “I have raised you up for this very purpose of displaying my power in dealing with you, so that my name may be proclaimed the whole world over.”

God has a plan and purpose for my life and I’m waiting. During this process he is raising me up to do great things.

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March 8, 2011

PILE DRIVEN – PART IV by Brian Crawford

PILE  DRIVEN – PART IV: “Empowered by Change”

Action Words – Essay by Brian Crawford

Brian Crawford

I present the new installment of my series, Pile Driven: Empowered by Change.

It’s May, 2010, and I’m now at Marion Correctional Institution. Since I last wrote “Pile Driven – Part III,” I have undergone a lot of change. My security status dropped and I was moved from one of Ohio’s toughest prisons to one of Ohio’s safest and most religious prisons. This has been after two-and-a-half years of praying that the Lord would lead me down a safe path in what has ultimately been his plan for me.

I felt upon leaving Southern Ohio Correctional Facility that my work was done. Many lives changed there as a part of the work I did for the Lord. I now leave behind many good brothers to continue the Lord’s work. As for me, I knew I had to embrace this change and the good at my new home at M.C.I.

As my feet were shackled and my hands were cuffed to my waist, I sat quietly in the back of a prison bus with tears streaming down my face as I saw God’s beauty outside the walls of Lucasville. I talked to God and asked him to one day set me free and let the truth of my innocence be known.

At that moment I also knew that I had to focus on God’s will for me at M.C.I. once I arrived. All I could think about was the chapel. After all, to me, that is the most peaceful place in prison. I had always heard so much about chapel services at M.C.I. and I was so ready to see the reality of it. In my essays, “Pile Driven #1, 2, and 3,” I spoke of the ups and downs of attendance of guys at S.O.C.F.  Many times it was dark and discouraging due to the small number of inmates attending. However, don’t get me wrong, because at times  those few guys brought so many blessings and we would worship the Lord as if there were hundreds attending.

So, then, the day was here: my first Sunday at M.C.I. chapel services. I grabbed my Bible and made my way to the chapel, feeling the butterflies in my stomach. I could hear a choir singing and music playing as I got ever so close to those double doors. Finally, I was there. I opened the doors to see a chapel packed full, wall to wall with inmates praising God, smiling, and singing.

I felt a lump in my throat as I found a seat. My emotions immediately took over as I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt as if I was home again at a regular church. The choir continued to sing and I felt free at that point and tears rolled down my face. I knew after that service that I was right on track for what God has in store for me.

Change is never easy and I’ve had many things to overcome and still deal with on a daily basis, but when each day is over I can close my eyes and say, “Thank the Lord for another day of my life and a chance to serve you.” My mission is now here at M.C.I. and there are still many out there that need to know God loves them and they can be saved. Although this innocent man that I am still suffers, I know I must embrace this change and keep living for God.

My faith is growing in my heart and mind every day. No matter where I go, I will surround myself with good and walk away from evil. Oh, it’s not all “peaches and cream.” Satan is not happy with me right now and he tries to tempt me all the time. When he does, I just smile and say, “Nice try. But you lose.” Now, of course, the devil will not stop trying to ruin my days, but I look at it this way: I’m a child of the Most High God and my God will not allow Satan to do anything to me without his permission. If something would happen I can always go back and look at what Job went through in the Bible and know it was or is a test. I will pass the test! I’m not afraid anymore!

Now, some days I watch television and I see our world heading toward Bible prophecy and I do worry. I wish many more people would give their lives to Jesus before it’s too late. I’m only one man and I know I cannot help them all, but if I can just keep proving my walk – that God is real – then I’ve done my job. I fought the good fight and will be ready to go with my Christian brothers and sisters to be with our Lord in heaven.

So, what about you? If you’re out there and you don’t know the Lord as your savior, as yourself a question: If I died today, where would I go? Some people say they don’t believe in anything, but think about it. Would you rather die believing in something and know you did good in this world, or would you want to die believing in nothing and possibly face horrible consequences in the afterlife? I think the answer is easy. If you’re out there and going through chance, then “embrace it” – put God first in your life and the rest is easy.

Thank you for reading my words in this essay and God bless you all.

Read other stories by Brian Crawford:

Pile Driven— Part I
Pile Driven—Part II
Pile Driven—Part III

__________________________________________

Editor’s note: visit www.freecrusher09.yolasite.com  for further information on supporters of Brian Crawford’s case.  Mr. Crawford has been a dedicated writer and contributor to RED! the breakthrough ‘zine since 2008. We urge you to read his other work, including parts 1,2, and 3 of his PILE DRIVEN series. He is incarcerated at Marion Correctional Institution.

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February 28, 2011

J. Brown T-shirt art

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